Time to let go

I am an eternal optimist always searching for a silver lining, but there are days when finding the little ray of hope in your heart is like finding a needle in a haystack, even for me.

I know I am profoundly loved, I know that I am profoundly blessed. I know that I have an amazing network of people in my life who build me up, spur me on and encourage me to fly. Even so, as a thirty something married mom of two, there is still one whom I seek approval from. There is still one that has a permanent place in my heart, one that I want to please, to make proud, to find approval with, yet I fear that may never come.

It is hard to hold on to hope after decades of heart ache. It is hard to not lose grip when your knuckles are blanched and your cheeks are stained with tears. It is hard not to lose heart, lose your temper and throw caution to the wind.

But it is harder still to let go.

In my mind, letting go implies that you don’t care, that you are better off alone or that you think you can do better. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but sometimes letting go is exactly what we need to do, because in holding on to something with both hands we can’t reach out and grab the opportunities in life that are passing us by.

In holding on to a relationship that is not reciprocated we can limit our lives. In clinging to the coffin praying for a resurrection, we could find ourselves inadvertently buried too.

God didn’t create me to hold onto someone else’s coat tails or hang on their every word. He created me to stand tall, be who He called me to be and step out into my own God-given destiny.

Jesus didn’t die so that I could be held back by someone who won’t hold me. He died so that He could hold me in His own arms, so that He could take my hand and lead me through the valleys to the mountain tops.

Jesus’ love is like a balm that soothes even the deepest wound, however amidst my own sense of injustice I suddenly remembered that Jesus loves them as much as He loves me. He doesn’t take sides, He sees them through the eyes of His loving Father, He sees their hurt and heartache too, He knows every hair on their head and He wants to wrap His ever-loving arms around them as tightly as He can.

Love isn’t easy and it sure isn’t pretty. I am called to love and love is what I will do as long as I live, but loving doesn’t mean limiting myself. Loving means forgiveness and the liberty to move on, regardless of whether your loved one chooses to follow suit.

I wrote a song this week and here is a snapshot of the lyrics that poured out of my heart;

After all this time, you’d think I’d realise
After all this time, you’d think I see the lies
After all these years you’ve brought me tears its true,
Now the time has come, I’m done chasing you.


But oh, I still want to make you see,
The woman you made in me.
The one who holds her head up high, The one who looks to the sky,
But oh, now I know, its time to let you go.

I will never ever stop loving, and I will never ever stop living in hope that things will one day be different. But until then, I need to let go of what won’t hold me and reach out to the One who will.

Thank you Jesus that You will never ever let me go.



Fall in love with autumn

Autumn (or Fall to my American readers) is hands down my favourite season. There is nothing better than walking in the last of the summer sunshine breathing in the sweet smell of chestnut trees, my eyes feasting on the vibrant russets and golds all around me while savouring the crunch of fallen leaves beneath my feet. Creation sings and begs the world to gaze upon it’s beauty and, for me, there is simply no other season that compares.

While enjoying one of many walks through our local park recently, I couldn’t help but think how terribly sad it was that such beauty was temporary; that these exquisite trees who proudly displayed their autumnal décolletage were about to lose the very leaves that gave them this beauty. Furthermore, this beauty was at its most splendid right before it was lost.

When something is beautiful, attractive or successful we don’t like to let it go.

I have found that almost every autumn I have been faced with a difficult decision or experienced a turbulent time as a result of a change in attitudes of those around me, the environments that I am in or the circumstances that present to me. From redundancies to cancer scares and two house moves, the past autumn seasons have brought me to somewhat painful periods where I have fallen from the heady heights of a blissful summer holiday and hit the ground of reality with an unceremonious thud. As the beauty of health, home stability or financial security that defined me fell from my fingers I had two options – panic and scrabble around amongst the fallen leaves of my life, or embrace the new season and allow my heart and soul to rest and heal in the winter.

Because after winter comes spring.

The circle of life is perpetual, and as winter follows autumn, so spring will follow winter, and with it the promise of regeneration and new life.

Don’t be frightened of letting go of this season’s leaves. You are not defined by your job, the success of your latest deal, or the pay packet in your purse. You are not defined by the friends that support you or your marital status. You are not defined by your current health situation.

People will come and go in your life, health will improve and decline, love will ebb and flow, finances will increase and decrease and the only way to navigate the changes in life is to know when to let go of people, possessions and positions.

The Message Bible puts it this way;

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

9-13 But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-13

There is a time for everything, there is a time to gain and a time to lose, there are some friends that you have for a season and some you have for a lifetime. There are some positions and promotions that you must accept and many more that you must turn down, there are many doors that you could open but more still that you need to firmly close. My friend, if you are in a season of change, don’t panic. Embrace the pruning and the shedding, the dying away of the old and look forward to the new life that will spring forth in due course.